recently everything's been a huge mess. i've found a lot of wonderful people, i helped them feel better, i make them love me, but... i dont feel better myself. i dont really feel loved. it doesnt pierce the skin.
That's probably horrible. selfish. It... hurts. I feel really wrong. Am i flawed? Most likely. Yesterday I cut myself again. I felt so overwhelmed by myself, turned off in a way. So i took a razor and did it again.
I've never felt such hatred towards myself. When i felt it pierce the skin i audibly whispered now thats good
. i dont get it. i dont get it. everyone around me can move on, they can forget, they love each other
but... what about me? how does it feel? all i can do is fail to help other people and comfort them. last week there were a couple instances where i would just stand before a window, wondering if i should attempt to leap
again. it's horrible. i hate feeling this way. will someone ever love me? will someone be able to pierce the skin? will i feel good? it doesnt make any sense